Hurry Up and Slow Down
“Take a deep breath” is a phrase you may hear often from a therapist during the holidays. It’s common for families to get swept up in the rush and excitement of the season without fully considering the physical, mental, and even relational toll it can take. This time of year often demands more—more events, more planning, more spending, more emotional energy—at a pace that leaves little room to pause and reflect.
We feel the pressure to optimize, maximize, and prioritize everything.
These words live comfortably in our technology-driven culture, but they’ve quietly made their way into our personal lives as well. We optimize our schedules, maximize productivity, and prioritize efficiency. But what do these words actually mean—and how are they shaping the way we live and relate to one another?
The suffix “-ize”, according to several sources, is often used to turn a word into an action: to make, to cause to be, to become, or to treat like. In technology, this makes sense. We want to optimize systems to run faster, better, and more efficiently. We want upgrades that improve performance and produce maximum results.
What happens when we apply these same expectations to people and relationships?
When Productivity Replaces Presence
Technology improves through speed and innovation. People do not. Humans don’t receive performance upgrades, so trying to keep up with an increasingly fast-paced society is impossible. When relationships become centered on efficiency and performance, connection often suffers in the family. Things that were supposed to be enjoyable may end up being stressful instead.
As counselors, we see this clearly in families during the holiday season. “Sometimes holidays feel like one more thing I have to do. How will I get it all done?” is a sentiment often heard in therapy sessions this time of year. The busyness of the season pulls everyone in different directions, and when it comes time to be together as a family, many prefer to take a break alone to recharge.
Many “-ize” words like “optimize” and “maximize” don’t translate well into relationships because relationships operate in a completely different space—the space of personal experience. Connection with others is not measurable, efficient, or predictable. It is relational, emotional, and deeply human.
To truly relate, we must be observant, present, and reflective. These are not fast processes. They require slowing down, noticing, and engaging—not to produce a result, but to participate in a shared experience.
The Gift of Slowing Down
Slowing down is not just for the busy holiday season. It is a practice we encourage families to consider year-round because it opens space for things we often miss when life moves too quickly. It allows us to notice small details, feel more connected to ourselves and others, and discover a richness that exists beyond a rushed lifestyle.
Slowing down makes room for:
Time that isn’t scheduled to the minute
Space to breathe and reset
Curiosity instead of control
Waiting without anxiety
Boredom that invites creativity
Surprise that reminds us we’re alive
Suggestions for slowing down as a family:
Engage in moments that are process-focused, like doing a puzzle or building with Legos.
Take time to appreciate the light displays in your area instead of waiting in long lines for special events.
Play a non-competitive game together as a family. There are many types for all ages.
Take a walk. If it’s extra cold, bundle up and enjoy hot cocoa afterwards.
Look through photo albums of previous holidays.
Watch family videos.
During the holidays—and beyond—there is an invitation to resist the pressure to optimize every moment. Connection doesn’t come from doing more or doing it faster. It comes from being present enough to experience what is already here.
Sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do is hurry up…
and slow down.
Blog post written by:
Deborah McNary, MA, LPC, CCCPT
Let us know your unique ideas for enjoying moments with loved ones during the hectic holiday season.